Back in the Saddle Again (So to Speak)

It’s been a year since my world was up-ended by my mom’s sudden passing, and it’s taken about that long to right it again. Except that things are different now, never to be seen through the same eyes.

And what have I discovered so far? This past winter we found a small condo in Brevard, North Carolina, which we purchased in order to escape the too-hot summers of Sedona, Arizona. And now we have (very temporarily, we pray) three houses to coordinate until we sell the one in New Jersey.

Believe me, I never set out to own three houses simultaneously. People like me don’t do that. We own logically and sequentially, putting one house up for sale, and then moving along to the next.

But life doesn’t exactly progress like we plan, have you noticed?

We had no intention of buying the condo in Carolina, but my husband needed a haircut one day. Yes, that’s the reason. Had he not been waiting to get a trim, he never would have casually picked up the latest issue of Retirement Magazine. And we never would have learned about the current number one inexpensive place to retire in the mountains of western North Carolina.

OK, time to fess up. It all did happen the way that I just described, but the fact is, everything that was manifested already existed as dreams in our head, proving that old axiom -- be careful what you wish for. What began the morning that the kitchen ceiling fell in, morphed into three separate houses in three separate states.

Then again, that’s the way I found my husband, Roy. We crossed paths while pursuing our love of Beach Boys music in an internet chat-room. We were introduced by a friend of mine on the net who had decided that it was time for me to stop being single and meet someone outside the chat. She took it upon herself to insist that I say hello and the rest is history. (We just celebrated our fourth anniversary.)

Of course, planning is essential in life. It can be the most reliable way to get safely from Point A to Point B. But then there’s also serendipity and synchronicity, and other seemingly magical ways of journeying somewhere.

For 15 years now I’ve been learning to stay open to the idea that something can come about that’s even better than what I had originally planned. Even though I like to be in control of what’s happening along the way, I know that there’s this fascinating form of travel that can lift you up and set you down miles from where you thought was your destination. And your task then, should you choose to accept it, is to figure out what’s going on.

Magical traveling has one primary identifying factor – it feels right. You may have no idea why it feels right, but it does. Seeing if it can work is the next step.

I sense that my mom and dad are still with me, but mainly, I think, to encourage me to try out new ways of being. After all, I’ve never been on my own (away from them) when it came to making big, new decisions. Would they approve? Is it relevant if they would or wouldn’t? It takes time to move past knee-jerk ways of reacting and I believe that my folks would want me to do what works for me now, even if it feels somewhat strange and isn’t the choice they would have made.

Their time on earth is over, while I have much to do. I miss them, but I’m becoming clearer about my path – even the amusing, albeit perplexing turns. The bottom line is that I’m not my father and I’m not my mother, even though they’ve played a big part in my conditioning. I’m definitely an evolving Me.

There was a period in my life when it would have worried me not to have all the answers, but I’ve learned to trust. I know that I will be shown when the timing is right, and I’m not overly-anxious. (Age seems to help. ;-)

So what’s next? Well, constant traveling, certainly, and trying to remember where the napkins are stashed in three different kitchens (Age doesn’t seem to help this one.) I have some ideas for writing and coaching and volunteer work and art projects and consulting along with Roy, and the return of my energy is helping me feel good.

Last month I did a creative exchange with a blog partner, and she sent me a lovely painting of a blonde woman in a purple dress, sitting on the grass holding a bright bouquet of red flowers. The caption above it reads “BREATHE” and this is my mantra these days. The simple act of breathing does make things clearer. (Thank you Shari; you knew what I needed.)

I’m ready to share my adventures as I learn my next steps.

***************

“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.”

-- Mark Twain