Patience and Perseverance

I recently ran across my autograph book from the school year in which I was required to take sewing. My sewing teacher, Mrs. Densmore, wrote: "Sunny - Sewing almost got the best of you, but you kept plugging. Perseverance is a tremendous asset." (She was very kind because my sewing was awful.) I flipped through some more autograph books after that, and saw that several of my teachers and camp instructors had also noted my perseverance. I looked up the dictionary definition of the word.

Perseverance: "persisting in spite of difficulties". Hmmnn…I had always thought of my persistence as pure stubbornness. When I was a kid I hated to lose, hated to give up. When things weren't going well I just redoubled my efforts. I had never thought of that as a virtue.

One thing I definitely wasn't though, was patient. Not one teacher had commented on that particular trait. And yet, when I checked out the definition, I came upon that word again - perseverance.

Patience: "the capacity, habit or fact of bearing trials without complaint; calm; persevering."

So what's the relationship between persevering and being patient?

In early April I decided to re-write a book proposal that had apparently stalled on editors' desks during this past winter. They had liked the concept but felt that the format wasn't quite right. My agent was disappointed. I was beyond disappointed. I had worked so hard on this proposal and couldn't believe that it was just floating around in the water.

I sat with those feelings of frustration and loss until the day I found a binder containing my original notes for the proposal. I read through it as though I had never seen it before. There was so much energy and vision in there! In spite of myself, I pulled up the proposal on the computer and sat staring at it.

No, apparently I wasn't finished yet. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? That's perseverance. I re-wrote the proposal.

And now what it's about is patience.

I'm learning that true patience is achieved by honestly letting go - letting go of needs, expectations, wishful thinking. Once I do the best I can do with any project and release it I have no more control over where it ends up than I do over an escaped helium-filled balloon. That doesn't mean that I haven't prepared for release by doing my homework and making considered choices. It just means that the universe is now in charge and not me.

How I wish I had understood this earlier in my life.

I used to think I had to be in control of everything. Of course, that only led to perfectionism or denial. These aren't pretty ways to live. I was in perpetual anxiety over things out of my control while simultaneously denying the need to take action on certain behaviors that I did have control over.

I suppose that's what our lifetimes are for - understanding that there are "truths" that if accepted, lead to more manageable living. Perseverance can be good, if you're headed in the right direction. Patience is good, if you're taking appropriate action on what should be heeded.

We learn, and forget, and learn some more and forget some more. It's an interesting process. But I know that I'm remembering enough so that I don't have to re-live each and every one of my experiences in order to benefit from them. My learning curve seems to be getting sharper with age. I'm coming to understand that in time, most things work out without me engaging in all the drama. And if they don't work out, I can either persevere with what I'm doing, try it another way, or leave it be. And I can be patient and listen for guidance on what to do next, from wherever that guidance might be coming.

Perseverance and patience are both necessary, in sewing class and in life.